Not setting boundaries?

The Leadership Programme.

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Delivered every Friday and is a minestrone soup of tips, techniques, learnings and thoughts, & the odd disaster, based on my 25+ years of managing teams.

Read time: 1.78752437 minutes

Do you do any of these? 😬

⚠️ Work longer & longer hours to ‘keep on top of things’

⚠️ Get home just in time to put the kids to bed

⚠️ Finish the work day stressed and wound up

⚠️ Think about work when you’re on holiday

⚠️ Feel the need to be ‘on’, 24/7

⚠️ Do ‘just one more email’ …and end up still at the desk at 10.30pm?

I can hold my hand up to all of them. Plus more if I’m honest.
All classic symptoms of not having boundaries at work.

The truth was, I didn’t

→ know how to set boundaries
→ know I could set boundaries

It was compounded by several things (any sound familiar?):

FOMO : If I don’t take on this extra project, I won’t get offered anything else and may miss a chance to make an impression.

I had to keep performance UP: If I don’t get ALL of these emails answered tonight, others will think I’m lazy.

Inability to be PRESENT: constant checking of the phone; thinking about work and unable to switch off properly.

I had to prove myself: the feeling I wasn’t good enough, couldn’t keep up, and would get ‘found out’.

(Non-existent) negative repercussions: they won’t think I’m keen. They won’t think I’m interested in promotion if I don’t do all of this extra work.

Work hard, to get what you want: My parents taught me a good work ethic, and that meant I always had to do that bit more: ‘Work Hard’.

Conned myself with excuses and justification: “I like to learn and stretch myself”. Which I do, but not so you’re at breaking point.

There’s other things going on that I’ve seen, reflected in myself and others.

Attachment of self worth, to the job:

“I need them to need me, so I feel valuable”
“If Im not missed, they will get rid of me”

are good examples.

All linked to limiting beliefs about my abilities.

You can link this to ‘imposter syndrome’ too.

Actions you can take to get control back.

Familiar? I’ve learned to deal with them. Here’s some first steps I’ve found helped me, and help my clients:

Personal Goals: be crystal clear about what you want out of life.

This will take some reflection and honesty with yourself.

Ever got in the car, and drove off without knowing where you're going? Chances are, the answer is no. That’s because if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never get there.

Work goals: do a Warren Buffet.

Get clear about goals here too. Write down 25 business goals, then cross off the bottom 20. Laser-like focus on the other 5 that will get you where the business needs to be.

Implement Boundaries: learn how to set them effectively.

This is whether you are the CEO, or a first-line manager. Learn when to say ‘no’ and how to do it effectively (you can say ‘no’ without upsetting people). Practice saying no, particularly if you have ‘people-pleasing’ tendencies.

If necessary practice phrases that you can use in the typical scenarios that come up for you.

Delegating: look at how you engage with your team.

Some questions to ask yourself: Are you helping them grow?

Are you delegating as much as you could?

What is stopping you, is it about them, or is it about you?

Be ‘present’: it’s a skill you need to learn.

Yes, it is something you need to be intentional about, and need to practice.

Accept you need breaks. This includes planning relaxing activities (whatever that means to you) at the weekend to stop work creeping in, and planning in paid leave time.

TAKE THE PAID LEAVE!

Regular review time.

A beneficial technique is to regularly review your goals and remind yourself why you are setting boundaries. Some have found meditation or journalling useful for this .

I journal every day and its made an enormous difference.

Give these a go. It takes practice and determination (and some courage if it's your manager who is piling on the extra work).

Remember: every journey starts with a single step.

Let me know how you get on, and if you need help. reply to the email and we can have a chat through.

Please don’t hesitate to forward this, to help others learn.

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Action for the week!

Want to have a practice?
If any of these boundary setting problems are familiar:

• Create a plan, based on the actions you can take, listed above

• Ideally find an accountability partner to cal you out (maybe not your significant other. They may be super supportive, but may not be as objective as you need).

Music to get you ready for the weekend!

A mega playlist of supersonic tracks, to get you in the mood for the weekend,

As its the FIFA European cup at the moment, it would be rude of me not to include this. Dance around your kitchen, please.
(Apologies to the non England fans!)

When you’re ready, here’s some other ways I can help:

1. Confidence ever need a boost? My Confidence Build mini masterclass may be exactly what you need. Simple, actionable techniques that have an instant impact. Get more details here.

2. 1:1 coaching to boost your career: remove limiting beliefs that are holding you back; develop your leadership skills; prevent stress in your role; control your job, so it doesn’t control you. Let’s have a chat, link here.