The Leadership Programme.

If you want to be a better leader you’re in the right place, welcome!

Delivered every Friday and is a minestrone soup of tips, techniques, learnings, thoughts, & the odd disaster, based on my 25+ years of managing teams.

Read time: 3.275 minutes

First, news SO EXCITING I can’t contain myself!

ALL communication skills are vital, so are serious about levelling up yours?

→ shift from juddering to silky-smooth meetings with the boss;

→ drop straining to connect, and upgrade collaboration with your peers;

→ swing from limp & polite, to supercharged connections with your team.

3 X Cs Masterclass.

For A players. Launches February.

Get more details here

Ever been out with your partner

maybe at a restaurant or bar, and you instinctively pick up your glass to take a sip at the same time? Notice how you make the same gestures: you lean in when they do, lean back when they do?

You don’t know you’re doing it. You feel ‘in sync’

That’s great rapport babe.

Rapport is what makes the world go round: How we connect with people and how we build good relationships.

The same goes for having NO rapport. It’s rough having to work with someone you have no rapport with. If you are out of step, you don’t understand why.

• It may feel uncomfortable being with them.

• It’s difficult to have a conversation, like there’s no common ground

• It can lead to unnecessary disagreement

• You’re not likely to collaborate ( not willingly) or listen to each other’s ideas

• There may be more misunderstandings.

It stops work from being enjoyable, effective and productive

But when you have it? you really have it.

• Remember the client or colleague, you instantly click with ?

• They get it, get you, you’re on the same wave length.

• You’re full of energy when you work with them

• You put the extra time in. Work is joyful.

• This is when you feel like a winner

If you want to build good relationships you can intentionally create rapport.

What is rapport, how does it work?

A great definition is :

It’s the warmth and comfort we feel when we communicate with another person.

Science bit

Studies show that when individuals experience rapport, there is increased activity in brain regions associated with empathy, social cognition, and emotional regulation.

So it involves cognitive and emotional processes that contribute to the sense of connection and understanding between people.

From a medical perspective, rapport has been linked to positive health outcomes.

Research shows strong social connections and supportive relationships can have a protective effect on physical and mental health. For example, lower levels of stress, improved immune function, and a reduced risk of developing certain health conditions.

Why is it important?

Rapport is built on the feeling of ‘SAMENESS’ - “This person gets me. They understand me”.

It creates the foundation for effective communication, cooperation, and connection. Meaningful connections, effective communication, and mutual support.

It facilitates collaboration, teamwork, and a positive working environment. When there is good rapport people feel understood, valued, and supported. That adds to a sense of closeness and emotional safety.

High-performing team, have a high degree of rapport.

So actively creating rapport, and understanding when you may be BREAKING rapport is important.

Techniques to dive into

Because it is built on the feeling of ‘SAMENESS’ we need to emphasise this feeling.

Physical

Good rapport has coordinated body language.

Use similar postures, but don’t ‘mimic’

They lean forward? you lean forward

They lean back? you lean back.

They use their hands a lot whilst talking, you do similar.

Eye contact

no, not staring at them, that’s creepy.

Being at the same eye level as them. No power-play dislocation.

Think about how & where you sit, and adjust your chair.

Then match eye contact frequency: thats the degree t which they keep eye contact with you .

It’s quite normal to look around when you’re thinking.

Voice Quality

Let me explain:

Use the same PACE and TONE

They talk faster? speak faster.

Slower? slow yours down.

Bring the energy to match theirs.

If theyre expressive, try and match it.

Language

This is a huge one, and frankly this newsletter to too damn short.

words

The way teenagers use slang words ( that specifically exclude ‘adults’ ) is a great example of creating ‘sameness’.

They’re designed to create a bond, but also to EXCLUDE others ( like the parents…).

So when you want to create rapport, use specific terminology and avoid using jargon.

Each industry and company seems to have its own set of words and phrases that they use.

If you’re with a client jump into their terminology , rather than your own. Think of it as Company slang

phrases

Match their phraseology where you can. For example, the ways in which they describe events or feelings.

Here’s an example.

You : How’s business?

Client : Things have been really slow lately.

You : sorry to hear things aren’t going well.

You have the right sentiment, but the mismatch of terminology may sound jarring, to them.

A better response would be

You: sorry to hear things are going slow.

I could go on and on, in this area alone as it’s an area of real interest to me.I cover more around this, plus a stack load more around comms skills in my 3 X Cs Masterclass. Buckle yourself in!

P.S. I’m lucky enough to be on holiday next week, so no newsletter next week.
If there is a topic you’d like me to cover, on anything leadership, communication or performance management drop me a line.
Have a great weekend.

Please don’t hesitate to forward this, to help others learn.

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Action for the week!

Want to have a practice?

There’s lots of opportunity to safely practice these. When mirroring body language, start small. You will feel self-conscious at first. But no one else will notice. Honest.

Here’s a suggestion to try, with language. Over the next few days observe people at work. Watch or listen to conversations, in particular the actual words or phrases being used. Look at how much ‘copying’ of each other there is going on. What’s the impact on the conversation?.

Extra resources

Additional resources you may want to check out.

The Coaching Manual is excellent, even if you’re not a coach. The techniques can help in all areas of life.

This is one of my favourite books, so DO NOT JUDGE ME for recommending it often.

There’s an Amazon ( affiliate) link on the images, so you can see what it's like, but I’d prefer it if you ordered from your local bookshop.

May not be as quick, but a better soul-feeding activity.

Music to get you ready for the weekend!

A mega playlist of supersonic tracks, to get you in the mood for the weekend.

I’ve been sooo into 80’s vibes this week, so here we go. Bop ‘round your kitchen.

When you’re ready, there’s other ways I can help:

1. 3XCs masterclass, to seriously upgrade your communication skills.

   get more details here
   

2. 1:1 coaching to help you develop the leadership skills you need to take your career to the next level. Let’s have a chat. Calendly link here.
   

3. Micro-coaching : a single coaching session to help you overcome that one blocker or key issue you're facing. Details in the link here.
   

4. FREE RESOURCES Interview Mastery training: to master confidence at that BIG event. It could be an interview, public speaking, or that pitch. Make sure that the very best version of you shows up to that interview. Link here.