The Diamond Newsletter, because every one is a gem (sorry..).

If you want to be a better leader & communicator you’re in the right place, welcome!

This newsletter is delivered every Friday and is a minestrone soup of tips, techniques, learnings, thoughts, & the odd disaster, based on my 25+ years of managing teams.

Read time: 2 minutes
Video watch time: 90 + 20 minutes

“I'm going to get found out!”.

Ever felt that?

How about :

“I’m not good enough”

“Everyone here is better than me”

“That success was just a fluke”

“I was just lucky…”

I know I have.

Every one of them. I’d never heard of Imposter Syndrome then. I’ve looked back at lots of old management books.

None of them mention it.

Imposter syndrome. How do you deal with it if you don't know you have it?

Here’s 5 classic tell-tale signs:

1. Persistent self-doubt. This is the one I’ve heard most often. The classic feeling that ‘you're faking it’, or that you don't deserve that promotion.

   You’re not worthy.

   You don’t put the achievement down to your own hard work, but something external. Sometimes even luck ( erm, me 🙋🏻‍♀️)
   

2. Fear of failure: You know those people, (and maybe you’re one of them) who set themselves exceptionally high standards? They’re impossible to meet, so there is a cycle of feeling like a failure. It can show itself as procrastination, or at the opposite end of the scale, overworking. Those excessive hours. ( ME!!)
   

3. The need to overachieve, and prove yourself to others.

   I see a friend in this description SO CLEARLY. He had to be the best, get the top marks, get the top job regardless of the cost.

   It shows that despite external recognition or evidence of success, or job titles, you might still feel inadequate.
   

4. Difficulty accepting praise. Know people who ‘downplay’ accomplishments (you know how you are!). It’s a difficulty in internalising positive feedback.
   This just reinforces that feeling of being a fraud.
   

5. Constant comparison to others. A very successful, high achieving client recently. They constantly compared themselves to others, and certain individuals in particular: “I’ll never be as good as them”. They were intimidated in a room full of senior people.

   That constant comparison makes you think you’re not as talented or capable.

   This then leads to feelings of inferiority and a distorted self-perception.

And here’s the other thing. You can have it at any stage in your career.

I know, through my own experiences, those of friends, colleagues, and clients. It’s not the preserve of the first-time manager. Far from it.

This diagram from Dr. Valerie Young, sums up her 5 types of ‘Imposter’

How do you deal with it??

I treated the symptom in me before I understood fully, what it was. I started with the basics.

1. Confidence building. I used techniques I learned through NLP training. These included Anchoring (that I still use TO THIS DAY) and visualising outcomes. These also helped me master sales later on in my career (see below for a link on these).

2. Focus on learning. Instead of trying to get everything perfect, and having that fear of failure, I shifted my mindset to ‘learning and growth’.

   This means accepting that we all make mistakes, and actually, mistakes help you grow. ‘Fail your way to success’ as someone famous said. We are after all, only human.

3. Celebrate mistakes and setbacks: this was tricky for me to master. Challenges are opportunities Setbacks are valuable learning experiences.

   And as a recent client showed me, it doesn't matter what position you hold or how successful you may appear to others, we all have challenges.

4. Set realistic goals and expectations: I set unrealistic goals and expectations for myself. Plus, I didn’t ask for help, as I saw it as a sign of weakness.
   First, make goals realistic. I’m not superwoman, as much as I love her outfit.
   Second, break goals down into smaller, bite-sized chunks. Focus on the step ahead, and get that done. Celebrate each milestone along the way.

   
   There’s a couple of others too :
   

5. Recognise and acknowledge your achievements: Imposter Syndrome can come from believing accomplishments aren’t deserved. This is one reason that celebrating small wins is crucial: remind yourself that you have earned your position, and deserve where you are.

6. Challenge negative self-talk: Negative self-talk and self-doubt niggles away, a tiny piece at a time. Be aware of it, and squash it dead. Replace it with positive and realistic affirmations.

7. Seek support; share your feelings: Talking about your experiences with trusted colleagues, mentors, or friends can be helpful. It’ll reassure you you’re not alone.

8. Show yourself some kindness! Treat yourself with compassion: it's normal to have doubts and insecurities.
   Practice self-care activities. In other words, activities that help you relax, and focus on YOU. Basics like workouts or long walks are powerful.

Need to talk about it? I’m here, and I’m all ears. Just reply to the email.

Action for the week!

Want to have a practice?

For the next two weeks be conscious about how you’re feeling. Are you feeling anxious? What are the circumstances?
Do you have any of the tell-tale symptoms?

What about those around you?

Could it be Imposter Syndrome?

Extra resources

Additional resources you may want to check out.
I’d normally pop some books in here, but I’ve a couple of videos this week.

Firstly, if you haven’t seen it, this is a great Diary of a CEO interview with Dr Amy Cuddy. You can skip parts, about 1 hr 30m total watch time. I suggest investing the time. Click the image below.

I’ve a free training that includes a section on what anchoring is, and how to do it.
Check out the link here

Music to get you ready for the weekend!

A mega playlist of supersonic tracks, to get you in the mood for the weekend,

So all this talk of Imposter Syndrome, there was only one choice, and it popped up on the radio as I was typing ( The Universe, telling me something!) For those of you who were unlucky enough to have missed the New Romantic era, you swing your arms a lot. So, sweep back your fringe (or bangs!) and swing your arms.

Other ways I can help:

1. Anxiety squashing, confidence boosting Masterclass on 25th September. Details in the link here
   

2. 1:1 coaching to help you develop the leadership and communication skills you need to take your career to the next level. Let’s have a chat. Calendly link here.
   

3. Micro-coaching: a single coaching session to help you overcome that one blocker or key issue you're facing. Details in the link here.
   

4. Interview Mastery training: FREE micro training course to master confidence at that BIG event. It could be an interview, public speaking, or that pitch. Make sure that the very best version of you shows up to that interview. Link here.