The Leadership Programme.

If you want to be a better leader you’re in the right place, welcome!

Delivered every Friday and is a minestrone soup of tips, techniques, learnings and thoughts, & the odd disaster, based on my 25+ years of managing teams.

Read time: 3.5 minutes

Ever feel disconnected and can’t engage with that one team member because their behaviour irritates you? Ever wish your boss would stop and listen?

Sense friction with a colleague and don’t know why?

I’m so EXCITED to say the waitlist for my Communication Masterclass is open because I know the impact this training has.
Classes are in February. Seats are limited. This is pure gold that will IGNITE you.
Get all the details here

Ok, back to normal programming.

Unusually for me, I going to start this newsletter with a story.

One that may resonate with you. So, advisory here, I hope this doesn’t trigger anyone.

My friend got married to her long-term partner. They’d been together for over 6 years.

HUGE wedding, full-on church do. Everyone and their dog was invited (ok, not the dog).

The groom was a nice guy. A couple of things seemed a bit odd to me. He wanted the honeymoon before the wedding; he chose not to get involved in any planning of the ceremony, and the normal stuff you do.

But hey, each to their own. Right?

18 months later I got an odd call from her. Had I left anonymous messages on their voicemail?

Of course not, what was she thinking?

6 months later, (when they had a baby) he left. He’d been having an affair.

For years.

She never saw it coming.

All the signs were there.

Those voice messages? were telling her he was having an affair, from a neighbour who saw them.

All those odd, crazy late nights ‘working’ and not coming home?

You guessed it.

She never saw it coming even though there were so many signs. Of course, hindsight is a wonderful thing. But even so.

She didn’t WANT the feedback. And she certainly wasn’t looking.

Sadly, this isn’t an unusual story is it.

When we look at these examples in our own lives, we can draw parallels at work too.

There are all kinds of reasons people don't ask for, or proactively get, feedback at work from their team, from their boss, or peers.

It could be

• ego.

• insecurity

• arrogance

• lack of trust

• imposter syndrome

If you look carefully, people give you feedback in what they say, do, and how they behave. You can listen by simply paying attention. There is then a danger of misinterpretation (like my friend).

Our own biases kick in to prevent us from looking at things objectively:

• Confirmation bias: we look for evidence that supports our beliefs. ‘They haven’t said anything about this, so it must be good’

• Overconfidence Bias: we overestimate our abilities and knowledge, which makes us less inclined to seek feedback because we don't think need it.

• Self-Serving Bias: we attribute our successes to internal factors (our abilities, efforts) and our failures to external factors (bad luck, other people's actions). This makes it difficult to accept feedback that challenges our self-image.

• Anchoring Bias: We rely too heavily on the first piece of information we receive (the "anchor") when making decisions. So we only really listen to the first piece of feedback (good or bad) regardless of subsequent feedback.

When we are unprepared for feedback, it can hit like criticism too.

Some unsolicited feedback I’ve had: ”Lesley, you’re so….brusque”

I’m direct, what can I say.? 😂

There are ways to give feedback, but if it comes out of the blue and you aren’t expecting it, you can take it differently.

This is where we are:

• We don’t always look for feedback.

• When we get it we don’t always listen to it.

• And yet, we know feedback is valuable for growth and improvement.

This is, after all, how good systems work isn’t it: a series of positive feedback loops.

Feedback framework

Here’s one I use that works. This feedback system can be used with anyone:

• peers

• clients

• manager

• team members
  

• wait for it.. family

It’s an oldie, yet a goody and fail-safe:

Ask these three questions:

1. START - what can I start doing (that will help you)?

2. STOP - what can I stop doing (that will help you)?

3. CONTINUE - what can I continue doing (that will help you)?

These are great questions because:

• They are not personal, it’s about activities and behaviours.

• The three questions help the receiver think around a particular subject, and come up with an answer that they may not have if you just ask one.

• They are specific enough, yet not tied to a particular topic.

You can also ask about SPECIFIC AREAS or behaviours of yours.

For example setting boundaries, engaging with the team or connecting with customers. These give greater focus.

You can start with:

• those areas you feel good about

• don’t have a problem with

• feel in control of

• other people have problems with, but you don’t think you do

• struggle with.

If you plan this into a regular meeting cadence, you are prepared for it.

More importantly, so are they.

You may get answers you’re not expecting, and that’s OK.

This all helps you.

The feedback may not always be worded sensitively so give the latitude for that.

This is helping you.

I’m not suggesting you have monthly meetings with family!

If you ask their view on your ability to set boundaries, be prepared for it.

Please don’t hesitate to forward this, to help others learn.

Got sent the email? subscribe here, so you don’t miss any.

If you struggle with getting feedback, giving feedback, or suspect you can’t set healthy boundaries, reply to the email. Let’s have a chat, or book a virtual coffee here

Action for the week!

Want to have a practice?

Use the Start, Stop, Continue framework in a work setting.
See what kind of answers you get.

Surprised?

Music to get you ready for the weekend!

A mega playlist of supersonic tracks, to get you in the mood for the weekend.

 
I don’t know about where you are, but here in The North of England, there’s a huge 80’s revival. Bad clothes and everything.
Fortunately, there was spectacularly good music around. Indie, alternative, and electronic was my scene. This band was one of my favourites. I loved the languid look & sound of the lead singer. So let’s go old skool, back to the 80’s (just). You can swing your arms to this one.

Other ways I can help:

1. 1:1 coaching to help you develop the leadership skills you need to take your career to the next level. Let’s have a chat. Calendly link here.
   

2. Micro-coaching : a single coaching session to help you overcome that one blocker or key issue you're facing. Details in the link here.
   

3. FREE RESOURCES Interview Mastery training: to master confidence at that BIG event. It could be an interview, public speaking, or that pitch. Make sure that the very best version of you shows up to that interview. Link here.